Of course everyone want to live in a romantic comedy where you meet a cute member of the opposite sex, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
However, dating and having a relationship with someone else is far from being that simple. Almost 20% of adults in America are suffering from depression, which means that you could possibly end up being in a relationship at some point with someone who is struggling with depression.
Depression can happen at any time, so even if you have been with your partner for a long time, you might find that years into the relationship that they are dealing with symptoms of depression such as persistent sadness, anxiety, loss of interest in typically joyous activities, or a decrease in energy.
While depression does add a negative factor to a relationship, there are a few things you can do to support your partner during this rough patch.
1. Educate Yourself
Learning about what happens when people are suffering from depression will help you gain an understanding about what they're experiencing. Depression occurs with a change in brain functioning that causes people to feel terrible emotionally. If you know what's happening to your partner who is living with depression, it can help you talk to them with empathy.
2. Be Present
Someone suffering from depression might try to isolate themselves, avoid asking for help, or not want to talk about their feelings. This can make it hard to know what you should do when your partner is struggling.
But you don’t need to always have the answer. If your partner seems like he or she is struggling, just being physically present is a very solid method of supporting your partner. Instead of offering up a multitude of possible solutions or trying to convince them that their feelings are wrong, just be there to lend a listening ear. If you are compassionate, they will feel supported.
3. Don't Try to Fix Them
You should certainly encourage healthy behaviors, such as exercising or journaling, just remember that you are supporting your partner, not pushing them. It isn't your job to stay on them about attending therapy appointments or taking their medication. You aren’t going to fix your partner’s depression, and putting undue pressure on yourself can cause harm to your own mental health.
Remember that you are not the only person who is concerned for the wellbeing of your partner. You have to set boundaries in order to live by this, because it can be tough to remember. You want to be supportive of your partner while they are suffering from depression, but you need to maintain your own life as well. Continue doing the activities that you enjoy doing and keep spending time with other people such as your own friends and family. Don't walk away from your life thinking that your partner needs you to constantly be by their side. Don't forget to do your own self-care and practice self-reflection to make sure that your own needs are being attended to as well.
4. Think About Counseling
Don’t force your partner into going to couple's counseling if he or she doesn't want to, but if they don't want to go to therapy by themselves, you can suggest couple's counseling. This can introduce them to individual therapy while also giving you an opportunity to talk to an unbiased person about how your partner's depression is impacting your relationship and the strategies you are doing to help manage the issues.
If your partner does not want to go to therapy, it may be beneficial to go to therapy alone. This will help you learn strategies to live in your relationship in a healthy manner.
5. Consider Your Future
You may find yourself in a heartbreaking situation down the road if you continue to try to fall in love with someone's potential. If you continue to dream of how great your life will be when your partner make a change, you will find that the change you are looking for will likely never come.
It is possible for someone who is struggling with depression to get better, but if your partner isn't going out and looking for help and you're not happy, you may want to consider ending the relationship before it gets too serious.